By evening, (it’s when I wake up) it’s violet…all over.
And BANG! The light goes out, which (ironically) makes things more beautiful. As
December wears on, the weather in Islamabad is getting (un)pleasantly dry in a
horribly cold way. Winters’ keen tooth bit me too, among others’. And I have
been sniffing and coughing ever since. I wake up…and brush my teeth and just
feel this insane urge to slap my cheeks with the aftershave. I look in the
mirror and then I look away and look in the mirror again, then I look away
again, feeling worse. (Did you know that the objects in mirror are always
farther than they appear?) I get dressed and comb my hair. And then look in the
mirror again. ‘Why don’t I look devastatingly handsome anymore?’. ‘But still
something, eh!’, ‘Or maybe, too sharp?’. And so I rid my head of my anxieties
and insecurities for a while. As I shake it.
Nom. Nom. Nom. Munch. Munch. Munch. Pancakes. Just one
large bite on each slice does it. As though chewing the wood with iron teeth (if
that’s even legit). Reaching at work. Occupying the station. Few games of Table
Tennis. Two cups of my imperfect tea. Few strangers ogling as if I have come
from the Mars (They can’t possibly know that, can they?). I go through the day
(or should I say…night?) just like that. But last night, being a rebel that I
am, I bought an icecream but just after just a few licks, few drops of drizzle
ruined it but I still licked the leftover crummy slush of sweet cream and water
shamelessly. I hang with usual people with unusual accents. That crack newer
jokes. Talk loud. And put on big smiles. All this while, I keep on thinking if
I cross someone’s mind…somewhere out there? Or just a passing thought?
Something about me? Never knowing what’s happening or should I even fix this? I
don’t even know what’s absent? What need to be fixed? Anything? Nothing? Or maybe everything?
