By evening, (it’s when I wake up) it’s violet…all over.
And BANG! The light goes out, which (ironically) makes things more beautiful. As
December wears on, the weather in Islamabad is getting (un)pleasantly dry in a
horribly cold way. Winters’ keen tooth bit me too, among others’. And I have
been sniffing and coughing ever since. I wake up…and brush my teeth and just
feel this insane urge to slap my cheeks with the aftershave. I look in the
mirror and then I look away and look in the mirror again, then I look away
again, feeling worse. (Did you know that the objects in mirror are always
farther than they appear?) I get dressed and comb my hair. And then look in the
mirror again. ‘Why don’t I look devastatingly handsome anymore?’. ‘But still
something, eh!’, ‘Or maybe, too sharp?’. And so I rid my head of my anxieties
and insecurities for a while. As I shake it.
Nom. Nom. Nom. Munch. Munch. Munch. Pancakes. Just one
large bite on each slice does it. As though chewing the wood with iron teeth (if
that’s even legit). Reaching at work. Occupying the station. Few games of Table
Tennis. Two cups of my imperfect tea. Few strangers ogling as if I have come
from the Mars (They can’t possibly know that, can they?). I go through the day
(or should I say…night?) just like that. But last night, being a rebel that I
am, I bought an icecream but just after just a few licks, few drops of drizzle
ruined it but I still licked the leftover crummy slush of sweet cream and water
shamelessly. I hang with usual people with unusual accents. That crack newer
jokes. Talk loud. And put on big smiles. All this while, I keep on thinking if
I cross someone’s mind…somewhere out there? Or just a passing thought?
Something about me? Never knowing what’s happening or should I even fix this? I
don’t even know what’s absent? What need to be fixed? Anything? Nothing? Or maybe everything?
You have the same peachy face after all this time, only a bit wrinkly now. You still drink in every lifelike nonsense no matter how irrelevant. I still see the tender folly and bright violet wandflowers adorned with myriad love in your tawny-brown eyes. The same somber expressions but surprisingly cheery when you feel like it, strangely mellow on some days - especially on rainy days, glowering when you read or write, deep in thought when you listen to your favorite songs and endlessly vacant when you walk. You have subtly deepened in a manner that I have too. And it's cute how you don't try to hide your teeth anymore when you laugh. Only your blackish-brown hair has changed in color, they seem faintly light and weak. Your dresses are still more stylish than you are but not a lot of people know about that. And humor, still hard to get but then, I have the same problem too. You're unearthly, lost in your own literary world, I love the songs that you sing in your enchantingly wild voice as you play the uke. And how you smell the old, frayed pages of the books before you read them. You're you and I live in a beautiful world.
Today my fave-friend the Ce got humiliated by Mr. Coolheaded Bald-pated for asking a question about something that Mr. Coolheaded Bald-pated was about to discuss.
Today, I learned all the three methods of recording cost entries viz. Lifo, Fifo, Average cost of material in material control ledger card and then posting the entries in separate ledgers under the mentioned methods and few more things.
Today, I smiled my best smile at something that’s a routine now.
Today, I told a friend what the word “sissy” actually means.
Today, some cyber friend I know for few months, asked me to meet him.
Today, Aimz made me a sandwich. That was quite unsolicited, but I ate it anyway, it was so nice of someone so not-really-nice-to-me.
Today, only Ce and I of fantastic-five were present and we had a great time together, we went to the café, we tried going in the Masters’ block to steal a magazine from their library that we couldn’t find in our library but we just didn’t go there because... Ce felt famished and we had to go to the café.
Today I told Ce that “Suck” isn’t a bad word, we, the friends should use it quite often… at home...ahem. He was actually convinced by the way I adorned my arguments.
And Usama was sick.
Today, I took part in an exhibition that is expected to take place in a few days. I have 70 Us’ issues and Bill has about 30 issues of Spider and few issues of Newsweek. Ce told me that he will take care of my stall, because that’s what friends do.
And I love it when some professor is being really nice to some dumb students. I realize that it’s a random blah. But, do I care?
Today, Doctor Saif was not wearing his glasses for some obscure reasons; everyone wondered what might have happened to him last night. So, majority couldn’t focus on what he was teaching.
Today, paper boy didn’t throw the newspapers (at us). I did not phone his boss about it.
Today, they did not publish Poets’ Corner in Us magazine.
Today, I found two pages on which few poems and love quotes were written, and a few doodles of an emo boy and a girl were there too. Poems were well written and sad. Ce told me that someone’s going to fail this year. I just smiled and prayed for that person in my head. And outside, I LOL’d.
Ce and I thought about playing volleyball, just thought.
Today sun’s not shinning. And it’s not really cold.
Today, I learned that they have changed Eman’s name, it’s “Raina” or “Ryna” now. Cute little infant Aww.
Today, Brown Sugar tried to do a prank but 29th of February is an oldie now, try again in next leap year Brown Sugar. But, I pretended I did not know. I like it when they take me as a fool.
Today, I haven’t still changed my uniform.
Today, I received a text message in the morning.
It’s three o’clock already and the light has no plans of going out.
Today, I thought about blogging but I had nothing to write about but I did it anyway.
And then Autumn passed by –– And He took it all away…!
“Their secret’s been revealed –– Yet they have told no other”
I give up before I even think about starting it. Such diffidence – I have not experienced.
There’s so much in grate to combust for –– that can lighten up the whole series of the darkest nights.
But still, there’s an invisible push –– the lethal weight pressing down on me like a rotten society’s slants that keeps one low –– low as a thrall, grasps one by one’s wings, plucks its feathers oftentimes and –– keeps one low, in the dwelling –– from flying.
The hands, –– as transparent as water, as mighty as a lion, as keen as an owl, as nimble as a deer, press me downwards in a hallow hole –– in an abyss so deep that it takes centuries to fall and once I fall painlessly, it presses down on me even more inside the shallow rubbles until I penetrate them and get swallowed up by the abyss and eventually forget –– everything I once remembered.
I’m done with hoping, I’m done with dreaming, I’m done with trying.
Let’s pretend now. “Look what I’ve found… A raw hope – a wingless bird!”
Let’s walk with it – till we part.
And because, it feels good… Somehow, it makes me want to walk. Somehow… someway, I like to walk, when I’m with you.
Such lonely lives in togetherness! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!
And ultimately the push will say: “Cull the no-hopers from the herd!”
It has been days and days –– this daze –– I’m faced with and yet I am not able to aerify this solider-than-rock, more saturated than pain –– pain of burning skin state. The question that my braincase eludes in response to my question is that what the question is. Maybe it is sometimes futile to ask this scummy organ.
It seems I’ve lost something, my sun, my winter sun, the beautiful sun, the only sun. Every single glorious vision from my mind as if –– have perched away.
It’s like an infant thought with no unity in ideas, just swinging strands, a fabric woven by an amateur, like an abstraction.
I lost my fantasies –– my fantasies with you –– which were ineffable. Dreams that we wove together, the reason – we woolgathered for. We kept on weaving ruby dreams side by side, shoulder to shoulder in perfections. The dewy green grass of a glimmering morning –– that needs bare feet to feel alive, we walked on it and had a talk about dewdrops on lilies, remember? –– it seems blurry and misty now. The relief –– that slows my pulse down after the racing as if I may have seen life without you, I lost. It races now –– as if it has been challenged to race, and at times it slows down to zero.
We are all strong that’s why we are surviving.
Let me forget and survive.
I vivified you with my eyes closed and brought you as close to me as I could, and faced you, faced the blastoffs (pleasant and unpleasant) you had in store, you did everything you could, and then I pushed you away with the palms of my both hands, as far as I could with all the power I had, and transformed you into logs. I transformed you into everything –– deserted. Memory destroyed.
I have forgotten.
Brain? Check!
Senses? Check!
Reasons? Check!
Health? Check!
Goals? Check!
Wit? Check!
Dreams? Uncheck!
*takes a deep breath*
Ah, I can inhale the oxygen now. Good, I can breathe. I guess I’m okay now. =)
Lord can do anything – and He does it adeptly for our own good. Lord loves His – mankind seventy times more than a mother loves her children.
Let the hope not nestle low with the broken ruby wings for He is invariably and perpetually with you. We might dislike at times – the ways He chooses for us to pass through the tracts of life – but if we keep faith then the harvesting turns out fruitfully good – eventually.
Just heed to what He says to you –– what He wants you to do –– how He wants you to do.
Sometimes there can be no reason to smile, but smile…
For you have –
Another sun to see, a new day to look forward to…
How ill-disobedient you become when you think you’re alone.
***
And for you and me, I have this, my dearest.
As dainty as a pipit –– a hankering –– for an eternity
The moment –– stretches more – and seems a century
It’s funny, when life happens to anyone, none can define. It’s neither like one’s ennui in barbershop nor like one’s fright while roaming with a fiend in an unknown market.
It’s funny to see the sunshine and the rain – at the same time and to be hopeless and the luckiest at the same time. Even nature makes fun of you.
It’s funny you have something, but you’re not supposed to own it. It’s like the feelings of a kid in a bakery, gazing savory pastries with sheer craving. I don’t know how but I find it funny.
It’s funny when you find your flair, none’s there to appreciate. When you master the art of crying on walls and pillows, they offer shoulders. When you are (happily) numb, someone actually starts loving you. It’s just funny.
It’s funny, when the only thing you are supposed to trust – brainpan doesn’t respond to the fixes you’re in – at times.
It’s funny when you’re the brightest yet the dingiest gem.
It’s funny when you care (give a damn)… Yes it is amusing!
It’s funnier when you get used to this fickleness of life’s persistency.
And eventually you start learning breaking away every twist and turn – malevolently adorned – of the pathway – that is supposed to lead you towards the terminus. It serves you its swinging random lanes for the repast in a crooked fashion – to scare you. But you hate not it anymore. Life… Is a fickle persistence and we are the meek grace. It dances in its ways in its folly like a kite up above the sky. It is just funny when you exist only – to follow the rites and go with the flow to curb yourself away from the taboo term called ‘rebel’.
Funny when you wage a war against nothingness and eventually you lose.
And
It was the last day of the perch. It’s time to fly again. I just hope the new sun brings smiles and happiness anew. I have been told that I am bright, brighter than the sun. So, I must fight every eclipse I face, and regain the light. Because I have ‘something’ worth fighting for. I am indeed the luckiest boy on this planet I believe. And hopelessness, I will conquer! God will help. And as Emily Dickinson would put in,
"Hope" is the thing with feathers— That perches in the soul— And sings the tune without the words— And never stops—at all—
And sweetest—in the Gale—is heard— And sore must be the storm— That could abash the little Bird That kept so many warm—
I've heard it in the chillest land— And on the strangest Sea— Yet, never, in Extremity, It asked a crumb—of Me.
If hope is the thing with feathers... Then hopelessness should be unfeathered.
“Stand up. Stand up. Make the difference. This world needs you. Your people need you. They expect SOMETHING from you. Stand up. You’re not supposed to give up. Stand up.” Advices and bitter glares… Blah!
It hit me like a rub-a-dub of any remixed mystic sonata, like some epic myth that has been resurfaced in my head, like a movie that you love the most – and sadly it contains those two little words in the end – the end.
The daze I am facing has been infinitely long and unusually epic that – I should have foreseen. Water not the wrong plant, I hear. But it’s not just enough to abjectly wipe off the teardrops away, far away! Because. They come back –– like the cuckoo’s call echoes in the vales –– again and again, over and over. So, I burn the left-over pieces and fly the ashes in the airs and burry the rest in the backyard and water the grave and adorn the plant inside and see it, hate it, regret it. I try. I try, I pant, I cry, I grasp the pages and screech and tear. I imagine myself running backwards, there – where I’d once started from. Hopeless on the green signal, I know that the heartache will not cease, it will not.
Beacon, we must reach out to, climb up and on and run through the hollow and the craggy dazes, against despairing storms –– pushing backwards, making us –– the buffeted –– lose the race completely –– is the negativity that we must curb.
The phrases “I am busy” and “I have been really busy lately” share a really strange relationship with my tongue, maybe the same which the two opposite poles of the same magnet share, strongly attracted, my tongue seems helpless sometimes and slips and says it, I am not sure for how many times I have uttered “I am busy” up till now in my whole life, but I am sure more than the number of Lady Gaga’s fans on this planet. Well, clichéd? Yet again! Okay verbose again, [=/] not good, makes things lilac.
Yes, I have been really busy –– watching movies, fasting, dozing off, and chewing bubble gums after Iftaar everyday, talking to friends (Doing nothing, if we talk seriously). And the solitude –– that used to separate me from this world, and used to help me with creating things –– things, which I was (or still am) passionate about –– is tumbling down. I am getting famous in my friends and yet I seem not happy. I am becoming just another teenager now. But, like a typical growing teenager, carrying on my favorite activities with the studies and at the same time experiencing the breakdown of my youthful innocence, going through exaggerated dramas and breaking or making of friendships isn’t really my thing.
My way of living my life was simple, away from controversies and politics, but I am feeling awkwardly weird these days. “I was never like that” is another phrase –– I have been using these days.
But…
Well, you know, the change, it is an unchangeable law. With every tick of the hand of the clock, I see a change in myself – in my behavior, my body, in my thoughts, and in the people around me –– my family. The way of the quest about life changes with time. My way of looking at things and views about them have changed, I’ve realized. Like the gurgling babies’ drools change and it someday transforms into monotonous voices or heavenly sounds or plain noises, and eventually they forget. Forget.
Forget. Forget. Forget.
That’s a heavy word, in every sense, some times beneficial, and sometimes, not. When we forget, doesn’t matter. But when they do, it does. [I guess I have distracted myself]
But the point is that, you can’t live like “those” people who inspired you. You are just what you are; you can be influenced, but you can’t be changed wholly. This all is happening. I am no more emo, there’s nothing between the lines I scribble these days. Or it’s just a phase. Let’s see.
Life has been like a fickle friend to me – up until now. Witnessing of its changing colors has always been my hobby. So ridiculously absurd at times it seems that I feel like crawling in some hole and just giving up there, but you know, that happens. It’s completely normal.
And, they say there is always a string of defeats before every stunning victory, a series of scratches on the knees before one learns to ride his bicycle. It’s a fact, like the fact that it’s raining here at this very moment, like the fact that I am typing. [=P]
I am spending my vacations at home reading, doing stuff and waiting impatiently for the college to reopen.
Giving up isn’t good. Giving up isn’t good. Giving up isn’t good.
So
There is a little change I am going to make in the strategy and I just hope it works.
And.
Nothing. [=P]
Apart from that, I am seeing people, with two faces and some with three and four, strange species. Raavan type. And when they talk, they sound like plastic shopping bags –– that god awful noise when we fold or unfold plastic shopping bags. Eek! I don’t know I just imagine this, and frankly, they are like chickens to me, I’m not sure why though. Okay that’s verbose. [:P]
Funny it might sound but they act very nicely with you and try to insult you when others are around.
I have hired a black huge man to scare you away from me.
Now I’ve learnt to see your real faces that you hide behind the solid masks. [Yes, I was stupid enough not to see them before] And I plan on to pull the trigger before it gets rougher, tougher than before. I plan on to break up with every one who owns two faces.
Oh yes! I am pointing at you, and I am going to pull this trigger. Thwack! [:D].
It’s funny to see them trying to betray and lie to you when you know everything. Uff kya mushkil mushkil baatain. I was never like that. Besides, how old am I to talk like this? 18? >_<
There can be no good reason to fall down. You have to, sometimes, to start it all again perfectly. But falling down isn’t necessary, you can start it all again at any stage/turn/signal.
Increase in your hate-list doesn’t bother anyone, what bothers is being in ignore list.
There are some things in life, that can’t be changed –– undone. Sometimes, you don’t get the second chances.
Being alone/numbed is like a mask, that we put on for sometime and then put it off, then put it on again and so on.
Worrying about future is like ruining the present.
Mistakes are supposed to be made, trying is important; not trying at all is like, wrapping a gift and not giving it.
There are some things, that can’t be foreseen, or sometimes we don’t want to.
Making no friends or forgetting old friends is at times good hobby.
Seeking attention should not be my thing.
Stick to what you want to do, they’ll not be there to see the consequences.
Losing important documents is not a cool thing.
Rain and mornings sometimes are good.
Crushing is a lot easier and magical than falling in love.
Worrying about your abilities can take you at the top of the ladder.
Being isolated and alone is better than being surrounded by people if you want to be something in your life.
Secrets should not exist except for few.
Praying to God is like lightening the load, I should do it.
I should not ruin my poems, no matter how awful they are.
I am not born to be a loser.
It’s better being nice than rude.
Crushing crunchy leaves is the most attractive thing I’ve ever experienced.
By Bahadur Hussain Published in Us, The News International.
For thee I shall pen a poem With no Shakespearian words Nor like any glistering quotation Nor like the antique birthday song
But like a tittering toil by a cunning heart, Of - they hath not heard Long...I waited for thy day to sun Before time flies with the wafting leaves-
I shall, inflame the candles with sun Dress the ballooning flossy clouds Write thy name on the glowing moon Sprinkle the fairy dust, white the gloom
To enfold it in beguiling glossy sheets I shall steal it from its earth Shall I fill these airs with flowers, Ah, 'tis thy birthday my love!
I am a bird hailing from thy window With a gleeful poem written in secluded heart With a glinting moon held in yellow beak With a gleaming twinkle of love in adust eyes
"You are an epic failure, who couldn’t even get his things fixed uptil this day? Day of harvesting!" I hear her saying with a bitter glare and I nod.
So silently, that I start hearing the inner me. A sore tear trickles on the fluffy carpet. And visions yet again come before the closed eyes as ever.
I, whose edges of sanity are always tinged with illusions and confusions. From whence – my delusion deposited in me the harshness and the bitterness – how can I get it fixed?
Beckoning are these major stunning lights of fascinating sinful, beautiful city and yet I resist – I strain – to free her grip from my wrist – wiggle and squirm, wrestle and twist…
And still she pulls me in the crowd – and introduces me with her friends – wearing the solid masks - despair. I even hate the first sight of life. I am not born for this – not for that – not for her – not for you but for this which starts from S and ends with E – the solitude.
Relentlessly pulling – my hand towards the people, she has the epic love for me, that can make my death so peaceful and heavenly, but I am silly or genius. And I try to flee, I can’t break away – the tension – Igniting as – now I want to stay and now as – I break through to sanities side – my eyes leak obtusely – as I realize, the place I’ve come back to… Is chock full of lies…
But I don’t want to stay, leave me, I love thee and I hate it. I am overwhelmed with anger on being piteous and yet feel piteous on being raging and then this monster – hatred comes – as I sprinkle it on both feelings, and I still have this monster – I’m opening the cage… But don’t go! I want you to hate you; I love you to hate you. I am the darkness lost in night, find me.
I seriously dislike your bloody lame slanguage on facebook, twitter and everywhere! So, stop posting these posts at least when I’m online! Normally Pakistani slanguage users alter the spellings of original word to make it cool. Check these statuses out, “In hoxpetal, givin birth.”, “wax havin fun buh kaat ba kaaps!”,”Yo! In mah room imma breathin, sxup?”, “lawl chk dis link out! Dis ix freakin osomestik Uh!”, And “In waxhrum, doin errr *suppressed*”, “X: eyo? xxup? Y: Err Imma smokin weed!”.
Some days ago, someone told me that my jeans looked “spun”. And I was like (O_O), err sorry? He said, “kwl! yay!” haha I couldn’t hold back my laughter, and thought, kool and cool are now outdated and the term “kwl” is also like “so a month old!” Now they say “spun”. OMG! This CD is wicked spun! Eh? OMG is now OMFG, OMFD, Omgooosh and whatever. Some stupid people call their dogs in wonder like, “O my dog!”
My friend told me that, “Justin Beiber’s songs are gay”. Insert a Major (with capital M) LOL (with capital L) here. I mean what the heck? As far as I know the word “gay” has two meanings, one is “very offensive” and not-to-be-discussed-here and the second one is happy, fresh and bright! But never (with eyes closed or opened) try to say, “I am feeling gay today” because the first meaning is dominant. Thanks to slang! Which is now slanguage. Thanks to slang users.
And then those less-than-3-is-equal-to-a-heart-terms i.e. <3 are also in and are considered normal everywhere! And the other one! “Bleh!” I personally like this, because I guess this term is maybe derived from the word “blaah” which was derived from the phrase, “Blah Blah Blah”, I am not going to tell you what “bleh” means, go google yourself! My cousin updated a status 4 months ago and it was, “Yo! Gabba Gabba”. It horrified me as I opened my explorer in no time to google this thing and later I found that it was a TV show in Australia! Phew! (BACHHAT) LOL! Even our local paindoo boys in Urdu, they say “meko aap boht chi lgti how! *acha bacha*”, “Yaaw haawn naw tum meki gar pe aao tum ki dawat ki huwi hei aawj *budha gujjar*!” and “Yaaw son wo teri fown both hi anni hai yaaw!” Orite dis is enuff naw! g2g ttyl! “O yeah I went there!”. You are pathetically laughable! Haha! I think, I “pwn” you (slanguage-users) now! (ooopsi :P) And by the way if you don’t know what “pwn” is! You are soo outdated! *evil* muahaha!
This is me :P when I was 15, I know it's bad, (my old version). It says 18 July 2009, but I don't remeber the location.
People bite their nails, some bite the skin around the nails, some of them yawn and some doze off, someone I know write songs and poems, in boring and killing lectures. But We do different. Faizan, my chum, my best friend forever, now in Pak Army lucky him! and unlucky me! Um, Actually I never tried :P So, he and I used to draw things, names and stuff in boring classes. I should tell here, my real name is Sarang Hussain but registered name is Bahadur Hussain.
Following are the things we used to do, in boring lectures.
“Life is unjust”, “my life sucks badly” and “I’m curse”. That’s what I hear almost everywhere. I want to say that too, but when I think of what I think when I see such words, then I stop myself from saying that, 'cause it sounds hilariously pathetic, very very badly laughable! And maybe that's why I want to stick to this problem until it gets over tho' I'm pretty lazy about constructive things but still I must conquer the negativity; and I’m pretty sure that it is also one of those oft-heard pathetic sounding statement to you – the happy people (I am not comparing). But just imagine a life of a genius – misunderstood, a life full of flairs and hard lucks. And loneliness seems an outdated way of expressing one's boredom to you – the happy people (I am not comparing), ‘tis not, taste it if you ever can.
Today, I literally have zero friends if we count, zero percent sibling support, zero joy, boredom all the time. I never cried like this before. Ugh! I’m pathetic. Must suck! I thank God – Allah for this life and further, I do not have any complaints. I must get myself busy somewhere.
P.S. I am good at insulting! Beware! And Ah? Fajr prayers call - Azzaan! wow! I'm too sleepy too write anything positive with this. P.P.S. I am writing all this with half eyes closed and full brain shut. Ma'azrat!
Sigh. Major sigh rather! I don't want to sound like a pathetic emo boy AKA long-haired-loser from now on ‘cause now I have learnt that I should always look at the bright side of every happening. Recently, I did the majorest (superlative of major) blunder by forgetting my roll number card at home on the very first paper! (I didn’t know my roll no. It was very long, more like some phone number) and the first word that came out of my mouth when I checked my bag and every pocket was something that rhymes with “Luck” and the other was that rhymes with “Land lord”, “gain-ford” or “main-chord” Okay! You get the point! Right? So I puked during the exam What?? I do it in nervousness, I can’t help! But good thing, I ran towards the bathroom without even asking otherwise, it would have been havoc… And the next paper was also bad one it was computer and it looked like an object code (Computer language in binary numbers) to me, it went horrible again! Instead of grumbling stuff like, why me? and I’m a curse etc I looked at the bright side, which was “I didn’t puke that day! Ahaa!” :D (My baba is very proud of me :P) No really I cannot recall even one day when things went my way, the day I can call perfectly awesome day, (Except for the Economics paper it rocked!) Okay so, my first paper went like this,
It was a fine sunny morning, butterflies were flying in my tummy and my exam was 2 hours away. I was excited and tensed at the same time. So, I read the horoscopes to distract myself, I swear Gemini said ”What a brilliant day you are going to have, success is yours today and money will come worries will go blah blah" my smile broadened and wrinkles lessened. I departed late for the college, 'cause I wanted to look at all the formulas again. I had been preparing for that paper since like forever ‘cause mathematics is my nightmare and digits and formulas can scare me to death, therefore, I had to do the best. And I don't know how but I forgot my roll no. card in the final math exam. I reached at college finally, excited! And then I checked my bag and all the pockets but my roll no. card was no where to be seen! OH MY GOD! (Censored curses and abusive language!!!) They didn't allow me to sit for one hour until my baba came along with the card! I was very nervous. I puked during the exam (in the bathroom) my hands were shivering on paper, my handwriting was being gay. And if I wanted to press 3 on calculator, I pressed 6 every time them backspaced then pressed 3! I forgot the simplest formulas i.e Harmonic mean and Correlation & Regression and I couldn't believe it! And it was 3 AC-ed small room, smaller than my bed room (no hall :-O) and I'm phobic to cold (You must have read my poem Winter phobia :P). I somehow managed to ask in a shivering voice if they could switch off the cold sprayers! More like death sprayers to me! But others opposed. I was HELPLESS, FRIENDLESS loser, I felt pathetic! And it was 10th of this month. I never pray to God in exams! Because I think it'd be gaudy and mean to only pray in exams like when I need Him (the most). This time I did! But what I got was this baddest (worst) day of my life. I cried my eyes out after exam in my locked room to the point I thought I was about to burst and wished to God to make me die, I wanted to hit by a bus. I never want to die actually but I just muttered that I don’t know why Time to write another painful, nihilistic, emo and gloomy poem, I did and ruined it. And then the day passed - consumed by twilight-consumed by night-consumed by dawn like every another day. And I witnessed the new sun that smiled at me and sprinkled the hot and loving beams upon me, I hoped for better.
I have now stopped saying the phrases like prayers needed, wish me luck and stuff. And I’m not going to read horoscope again in my whole life and I shall never let my kids and wife to read them.
My 5 papers are done and 3 are left! (Five cats rescued and three to go :P)
Very gloomy story, right? What if it was a mere one leaf from the diary! The Book of Vincent :P Scary na?
Some people have started calling me “Chalta phirta bad-luck” and “trouble” etc. But no heed no encouragement for them!
But I now don’t look at the dark side, Instead of the dark I look for the light, Instead of cry I look for laughter, Instead of solitude, I look for friends, Instead of death, I look at life. I have learnt that,
Blunders just happen Faith should not be shaken Never feel broken Enough is taken If the wrong road is taken Don’t lose the token ‘Cause the road not taken Think, was godforsaken
Miley Cyrus in her movie Hannah Montana said, “Life is a climb, but the view is great.” Whoever wrote this I shall love her/him forever (ahm ahm) If she is a girl or woman then I’ll love her more, romantically as well as aaiwain (Don’t judge!).
And “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus. That’s my song from now on, the anthem of encouragement and consolation you can say! (And I shall love Miley Cyrus for this song forever)
Lyrics: I can almost see it. That dream I'm dreaming, but There's a voice inside my head saying You'll never reach it Every step I'm takin' Every move I make Feels lost with no direction, My faith is shakin' But I gotta keep tryin' Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb
The struggles I'm facing The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down, but No I'm not breaking I may not know it, but These are the moments that I'm gonna remember most I've just gotta keep goin', and I gotta be strong Just keep pushing on, but
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb
There's always gonna be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose Ain't about how fast I get there Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side It's the climb
Keep on movin' Keep climbin' Keep faith baby It's all about, it's all about The climb Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah
P.S I posted the same story as a comment on some related post I saw somewhere last night just to share the experience!
I'm here to relax. Vent. Ponder. Riddle myself riddles. Lay out the random without obligation to inspire or finish my sentence.
B.H.
Of larger-than-life and humbler than a dirt-grain shape – of a mortal astoundingly touching the apex and pathetically biting the dust – of a below-ordinary and extraordinary brain – of erratic doings and clichéd ideas. Numerous adjectives could be embellished like the sparks on an illuminated Christmas tree – but – of extraordinary rise and fall would do the justice.
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