I might not go to heaven because the worldly concerns have tinged my life but when the Earth will disband, I’d just hope to get a chance to say hi to you and, I won’t feel good if I didn’t get a chance because, I would absolutely hate it. No explanations. Gandhi said, whatever you do in life – will be insignificant but it’s very important that you do it, ‘cause, no body else will. Just forget the second part. If you could imagine the deeds hidden behind the misty glass of amnesia and people would not have the time to wipe and peek through it. It’d be impossible, like looking for a red dirt grain in a desert. Lost Turkish boxwood filled with memories? So why not stop fixing this jigsaw puzzle and wake up every morning like it’s the first morning of your life and look closely at the world around you and find your place in it? And when the self-deceit becomes difficult and you feel like saying hurtful things, when you’re fed up with practicing nice and fine things; and you neither want to hold on to rites nor try to create something new to follow. It’s all part of transforming into something better, because we’re never finished, we always change, from good to better, from young to old. Every day, you experience new things that affect your thinking process or maybe it’s just me. Setting new digits in my brain as my age, turning from eighteen to nineteen, thinking that I’d be respected, planning to do new things, like…to never spare a kid calling me “Uncle” and not caring about those poor lads I’d called that years ago and especially the ones who still dislike being called one? Life should be more beautiful now that I have turned nineteen, but it’s a shame that I’m still a teenager. Well, life isn’t a cup of hot chocolate. Turning nineteen for the first time and they did not have any lucrative or scholarly birthday gifts to offer me except for one person. But then again, everything is fair like Karma. But I can squeeze the joy out of it. With all the thoughts of love and appreciation that I might never get, I can still make something nice out of it. I will always do what I have always done. Create distance and stick my tongue out to attachments because attachments are the root of all the misery in your life and it’s a liability. Instead I will just smile while watching Ben Ten on TV and playing video games with my siblings, take pleasure in trying to count the spirals of the ceiling fan, in reading newspapers in the hot summers’ noondays while listening to the heavenly melodies of my father’s choice and laughing like hyaenas at the wittiest jokes and crying like babies over smallest of things – with their blown up pinkish chubby cheeks. And remember the old days when we used to watch the shooting stars in twilight with awe. And the dusty yellow pale moon and its shimmering in the pool. And dewdrops on lilies. The musk. And the pleasure while trying to make a goat laugh on Eid-ul-Azha’s day. And the frown of a rose-ringed parakeet. Teenage infatuations and the bittersweet feelings of crimson pain. I will count my blessings and write them down for the time when I will need them. But for now, I need sleep. Lots of it.

You are pathetic in my definition, when…


When you suck at everything you try to do, but you’re still showered with ample praises.

When you are envious of other people's work, and want to just suck their creativity out of their veins and kill them.

When you wake up really late, that too with the help of alarm and that particular alarm tone echoes in your brain for infinitely long time, say like all the day.

When you are too lazy to even get a haircut, so you start looking like Einstein, then you realize that barber will really hate you and maybe will say no to you that scares you more. And you just don’t get a haircut in five months unless you start scaring people.

…And when people ask you about you hair being so ridiculously ugly, you use the most unique excuse that is, ‘I want to look unique.’

When your dislike-list is subdivided in, favorite dislikes, less-favorite dislikes and not-so-favorite dislikes and plain-simple dislikes.

You use elevators every time and ‘stairs’ is your favorite dislike.

When there is no nature/beauty left in the moon, and you just want to pelt it with stones and shatter it.

When at times unintentionally you say stuff that can be a really good quotation and you feel like Shakespeare.

When even charging your phone’s battery is in your favorite dislikes. And your phone doesn't breathe for weeks and weeks.

You activate strange SMS packages in your cell phone, and send three to five messages daily.

…Phone eats your balance everyday for ‘those’ packages you activated and you really don’t care.

You do hear your parents’ lectures and taunts about your room being a mess, your hair being so ugly and other things usually yet do not listen to them.

When you and some other people wish for death together in different places for different reasons, but after sometime you find them happy while you are numb. So, you feel great. *sarcastically*

You start liking very very strange things, to which no one even pays heed.

Whenever you hear/see birds chirping, you want to shoot them or puke on them.

At times you feel like aliens and bohemians.

When walking alone streets - is not scary, but it’s not fun too.

You don’t do chores, and those who are already doing them in your place disgust you very badly.

You memorize every single episode of Disney shows and they don’t entertain you any more.

You feel pathetic at times, and start being happy for some time, and then you feel like failure and angry on being both at the same time.

You start to forget the difference between the words ‘there’ and ‘their’.

You pay high prices for 'those' favorite books. And decorate them in book shelf and don’t read them.

You prefer rappers like Weezy and Eminem over classics.

When your virtual friends are your best friends.

When all you think in bathroom is to take bath or not to take bath for like 30 minutes.

When you intentionally go on rooftop of your house to count stars like in those ancient romantic stories, but your eyes hurt and being bad at counting makes you give up.

When going out repels, meeting friends repels, phone repels, reading books repels, facebooking repels, twittering repels, blogging repels, and the only attractive thing you find is to watch TV, and that too repels after sometime.

When insomnia makes you wear scary disguise and go out to scare people miles away from your town.

When after feeling a little dizzy, you think you’ve become spider man, and then you try climbing on buildings, and then falling brings you back to reality.

…But you still feel out of the world.

When your interest box on facebook says, ‘Going out, coming in, dancing on the bed, sleeping on the floor, making friends, forgetting them, thinking too much and thinking again and then giving up’. Or something like that.

When you stick your tongue out malevolently to people from car’s window and think, it teases them, but it doesn’t, but you think it does.

When you leave a post incomplete and without the epilogue like this one.

Azaadi Mubaarik Pakistan.

Peace!

I learnt today that,

There can be no good reason to fall down. You have to, sometimes, to start it all again perfectly. But falling down isn’t necessary, you can start it all again at any stage/turn/signal.

Increase in your hate-list doesn’t bother anyone, what bothers is being in ignore list.

There are some things in life, that can’t be changed –– undone. Sometimes, you don’t get the second chances.

Being alone/numbed is like a mask, that we put on for sometime and then put it off, then put it on again and so on.

Worrying about future is like ruining the present.

Mistakes are supposed to be made, trying is important; not trying at all is like, wrapping a gift and not giving it.

There are some things, that can’t be foreseen, or sometimes we don’t want to.

Making no friends or forgetting old friends is at times good hobby.

Seeking attention should not be my thing.

Stick to what you want to do, they’ll not be there to see the consequences.

Losing important documents is not a cool thing.

Rain and mornings sometimes are good.

Crushing is a lot easier and magical than falling in love.

Worrying about your abilities can take you at the top of the ladder.

Being isolated and alone is better than being surrounded by people if you want to be something in your life.

Secrets should not exist except for few.

Praying to God is like lightening the load, I should do it.

I should not ruin my poems, no matter how awful they are.

I am not born to be a loser.

It’s better being nice than rude.

Crushing crunchy leaves is the most attractive thing I’ve ever experienced.

Ever had the mini heart attack on realizing that you’ve lost something? And ever felt the perfect comfort on realizing that you are fully prepared for the upcoming circumstances?
Ever felt the satisfaction when you know you’ll do great in exam because you’ve prepared every thing about it? Ever thought how a bird feels when it escapes from the cage and fly in the skies after a very long time and then join the flocks? Ever felt the automatic smile-feeling when your mother smiles at you for something stupid you’ve done?

I feel the strangest feeling today; I want to jump with joy and dance and want to play my favorite songs the loudest. Yes! The after-final-exams-feeling, I hope that’s not farfetched but the feeling that was felt by people of my country when the beloved country came into being! The freedom! The list I made about a week ago before exams – the things-I’ll-do-after-exams list, I see it, it’s on yellow paper with the green ink and I’m going to do all the “fungenda” now. Drawing my favorite cartoons, decorating my sister’s room, read all the magazines that I saved for after-exam time, the summer movies, the sleep competition with my pals, the hang outs with chums, and Disney! I feel every good feeling. The feeling I felt when N.A. called me the regular contributor of their page. That feeling! I can tell now, how Saad Javed feels on seeing the wild geese flying with the moon on their wings and when he sees the kites dancing on the end of the strings and when he sees the curtains swaying in S shape, and shiny vegetables. I know how I feel on seeing a green ringed-parakeet frowning at every one but we still caress it and try to comfort it, the little cat you luckily and suddenly find in fog, a teenager girl dancing in the rain, and the stars shaping her name and the feeling when little kid try to talk with his not-so-perfect-but-wicked-cute voice, the silent day in neighborhood, soothing sound of trickling water, the summer’s cool night, the feet perfectly fitted in cool dirt, the sleep under the open and starry sky.

I feel everything! I feel like that white smoke flying away from the chimney celebrating its freedom. The feeling I feel when I read Emily Dickinson’s poems, I feel so cold that no fire can harm me. It’s my independence day, today was my last paper, and I did awesome! And come to mummy :P THE SUMMER VACATIONS!!!!