Showing posts with label Being positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Being positive. Show all posts

Alone

Thursday, December 22, 2011 by B.H.


In the sky, the sun and the horizon reach a truce and a kind of transformation takes place that engulfs every care as soon as the call for the evening prayers is heard. And the kids who had been playing – get called in one by one…just like the birds…how they vanish into thin air just as the twilight glow of my morning engulfs everything completely. Like those kids who were made to discontinue their play, I’ve started to resent the nights too. But we need not. As lively as the day looks, as much as you enjoy a conversation with a lovely friend, it has to end at some point. Everything is notoriously variable.

Because today, I learnt that nothing bad ever happens when you are made to adjust in some seemingly boring place. And I'm left with my insecurities and anxiety that evilly stick their tongues out at me in the end…nothing ever happens if you are forced to live in another world with things you detest. Things just start looking interesting, in a slow motion though…like those autumn leaves falling through the air…like soot wiggling in the winds.

It’s not as hard as it looks to leave your favorite place and head for the difficult ones. It’s good to keep moving instead of staying there and spending your whole life going in one direction. It’s good to keep moving. And sometimes, standing there. Alone.

The lone wolf in the street

Wednesday, November 3, 2010 by B.H.


Meager life, ample emotions –– and still it’s illicit. No, you can’t be happy for so long, no, you can’t be unhappy for so long. It’s illicit to live that way, you must fluctuate! You must fall, rise, lurch, dash, fall again and so on. And something known as “self-command” is a vague perception of nothingness, at least for me. I never felt it. Is it because I never wanted to be controlled by anyone even by me?
Karma, go to the blazes for all I care! Punishment is mine.

For I’m a fainéant being hence I must procrastinate it – again. I do not know what I am thinking, I do not know why I am thinking – whatever is – that I’m thinking, I do not know what I am doing and why I am doing and on a serious note, I do not want to know. Is it wrong? Whatever I’m thinking, for I can’t express it. Is it bad? ….. Is it normal? Or just forget it because you won’t understand.

Shillyshallying it again for I’m a fainéant being. Just give me the perfect cushion to fall for, I’m going to hell anyway.

***
...

The Art of Forgetting

Friday, October 8, 2010 by B.H.

It has been days and days –– this daze –– I’m faced with and yet I am not able to aerify this solider-than-rock, more saturated than pain –– pain of burning skin state. The question that my braincase eludes in response to my question is that what the question is. Maybe it is sometimes futile to ask this scummy organ.

It seems I’ve lost something, my sun, my winter sun, the beautiful sun, the only sun. Every single glorious vision from my mind as if –– have perched away.

It’s like an infant thought with no unity in ideas, just swinging strands, a fabric woven by an amateur, like an abstraction.

I lost my fantasies –– my fantasies with you –– which were ineffable. Dreams that we wove together, the reason – we woolgathered for. We kept on weaving ruby dreams side by side, shoulder to shoulder in perfections. The dewy green grass of a glimmering morning –– that needs bare feet to feel alive, we walked on it and had a talk about dewdrops on lilies, remember? –– it seems blurry and misty now. The relief –– that slows my pulse down after the racing as if I may have seen life without you, I lost. It races now –– as if it has been challenged to race, and at times it slows down to zero.

We are all strong that’s why we are surviving.

Let me forget and survive.

I vivified you with my eyes closed and brought you as close to me as I could, and faced you, faced the blastoffs (pleasant and unpleasant) you had in store, you did everything you could, and then I pushed you away with the palms of my both hands, as far as I could with all the power I had, and transformed you into logs. I transformed you into everything –– deserted. Memory destroyed.

I have forgotten.

Brain? Check!
Senses? Check!
Reasons? Check!
Health? Check!
Goals? Check!
Wit? Check!
Dreams? Uncheck!

*takes a deep breath*

Ah, I can inhale the oxygen now. Good, I can breathe. I guess I’m okay now. =)

Moral

Sunday, October 3, 2010 by B.H.

Lord can do anything – and He does it adeptly for our own good. Lord loves His – mankind seventy times more than a mother loves her children.

Let the hope not nestle low with the broken ruby wings for He is invariably and perpetually with you. We might dislike at times – the ways He chooses for us to pass through the tracts of life – but if we keep faith then the harvesting turns out fruitfully good – eventually.

Just heed to what He says to you –– what He wants you to do –– how He wants you to do.


Sometimes there can be no reason to smile, but smile…
For you have –
Another sun to see, a new day to look forward to…
How ill-disobedient you become when you think you’re alone.


***


And for you and me, I have this, my dearest.

As dainty as a pipit –– a hankering –– for an eternity
The moment –– stretches more – and seems a century
They carve it in souls –– and let them vaporize –
And float them in airs to their Shaper – divine
Mayhap He has a primmer bounty in store ––
For them –– a better ground to woolgather for

-B.H

Solid Masks

Monday, August 23, 2010 by B.H.
Life has been like a fickle friend to me – up until now. Witnessing of its changing colors has always been my hobby. So ridiculously absurd at times it seems that I feel like crawling in some hole and just giving up there, but you know, that happens. It’s completely normal.

And, they say there is always a string of defeats before every stunning victory, a series of scratches on the knees before one learns to ride his bicycle. It’s a fact, like the fact that it’s raining here at this very moment, like the fact that I am typing. [=P]

I am spending my vacations at home reading, doing stuff and waiting impatiently for the college to reopen.

Giving up isn’t good. Giving up isn’t good. Giving up isn’t good.

So

There is a little change I am going to make in the strategy and I just hope it works.

And.

Nothing. [=P]

Apart from that, I am seeing people, with two faces and some with three and four, strange species. Raavan type. And when they talk, they sound like plastic shopping bags –– that god awful noise when we fold or unfold plastic shopping bags. Eek! I don’t know I just imagine this, and frankly, they are like chickens to me, I’m not sure why though. Okay that’s verbose. [:P]

Funny it might sound but they act very nicely with you and try to insult you when others are around.

I have hired a black huge man to scare you away from me.

Now I’ve learnt to see your real faces that you hide behind the solid masks. [Yes, I was stupid enough not to see them before] And I plan on to pull the trigger before it gets rougher, tougher than before. I plan on to break up with every one who owns two faces.

Oh yes! I am pointing at you, and I am going to pull this trigger. Thwack! [:D].

It’s funny to see them trying to betray and lie to you when you know everything. Uff kya mushkil mushkil baatain. I was never like that. Besides, how old am I to talk like this? 18? >_<

Peace!

I learned

Friday, August 6, 2010 by B.H.
I learnt today that,

There can be no good reason to fall down. You have to, sometimes, to start it all again perfectly. But falling down isn’t necessary, you can start it all again at any stage/turn/signal.

Increase in your hate-list doesn’t bother anyone, what bothers is being in ignore list.

There are some things in life, that can’t be changed –– undone. Sometimes, you don’t get the second chances.

Being alone/numbed is like a mask, that we put on for sometime and then put it off, then put it on again and so on.

Worrying about future is like ruining the present.

Mistakes are supposed to be made, trying is important; not trying at all is like, wrapping a gift and not giving it.

There are some things, that can’t be foreseen, or sometimes we don’t want to.

Making no friends or forgetting old friends is at times good hobby.

Seeking attention should not be my thing.

Stick to what you want to do, they’ll not be there to see the consequences.

Losing important documents is not a cool thing.

Rain and mornings sometimes are good.

Crushing is a lot easier and magical than falling in love.

Worrying about your abilities can take you at the top of the ladder.

Being isolated and alone is better than being surrounded by people if you want to be something in your life.

Secrets should not exist except for few.

Praying to God is like lightening the load, I should do it.

I should not ruin my poems, no matter how awful they are.

I am not born to be a loser.

It’s better being nice than rude.

Crushing crunchy leaves is the most attractive thing I’ve ever experienced.

That blue abyss

Thursday, July 29, 2010 by B.H.



With every beginning, there’s a corresponding end. Always I observe, before something –– that starts, something ends, before night trembles, twilight ceases, before it dawns the night has to melt; there’s always one side that has to lose hence the other side bags the victory.

Sun rises up, and sets in, some smile, some cry and some die but cosmos can’t care, and chirps are on even in the lowest of the low and never stop for deaths.

This rain is too ominous to be called ‘memorable’ in a sense, but we shall remember this rain always as a dark page of our chronicles. Plane crashed yesterday, a lot of people died, deaths everywhere, I see baleful darkness and reddest of the red –– blood, I hear the moans and cries of my people screaming out for their people, but death can’t care. And now, my friend, Bilal, he passed away a week ago, but I came to know about his demise now when the raindrops are striking the tin roof of the garage outside my window so hard that I can’t even concentrate what I’m thinking. I hate that noise; literally. Ill drops are descending the stairs everywhere, going low and low making me down and down. Every grief has its background music and vision. For me, it’s the noise of raindrops crashing on tin roof.

I am too confused and shocked to recall the memories of the moments that I spent with him in class. I don’t even know how he died; I just know that I lost someone, who used to sit beside me, who was with me when nobody was; there was a sparkle of loyalty in his eyes whenever he talked which I always overlooked, but that’s a stupid cliché I’d say. Because they say death makes a person more esteemed than ever. He was not my best friend and frankly I used to sit beside him only because he was always quiet and easy to endure. I am too low to write the memories. I feel too frail to type.

How is it like when you lose a friend, nobody taught me how to react. My parents never taught, my teachers never taught, they indeed taught me the ethics, algebra, physics but not about the death of a friend? They taught me about the every kind of losses in business. What about the loss of friend? Why did they not…? And today Bilal taught me through his demise that life… it is a fickle persistence, and death is blue abyss that is to be graced with our souls, death’s silence is heavy metal’s base, no one is to heal the death’s screams, no one is to stop it, it dances its way, away from cares, from the tears and the fears, life is a frail thread and death the robust string with a kite dancing in the skies too high in its folly, and it can’t be, no one can clip it to float it away. Death lies perfectly in life’s equation, he said. We won’t be ready and its manus will clutch us in, and will take our soul away from our dear and near ones leaving them with tears in their eyes and a corpse behind. Only tears… regrets and some memories that are too painful to recall.

And as Emily Dickinson would put in,

All but Death, can be Adjusted––
Dynasties repaired––
Systems –– settled in their Sockets––
Citadels –– dissolved––

Wastes of Lives –– resown with Colors
By Succeeding Springs––
Death –– unto itself –– Exception––
Is exempt from Change––

An unanswered question

Wednesday, July 21, 2010 by B.H.

What do you see with your eyes closed? What do you see in a foggy morning? What do you feel in sleep? What is written on the moon? What does a goat think when she is alone? Where does the water go, where does it come from? Why does the thunder follow the lightening? Why does it rain? Why do we breathe? Why do you have to live?

These all questions have answers that I don’t want.

Teenage musings… change my life. Please.


Why does that star shine? What is God? Why is He? Why do these tears trickle down? Why do they stream? Why does it hurt right in the middle of my heart? Why do I love you? Why don’t you love me back? Why it has to be like this? Why not like that?

Possibilities are every where, spread all over –– more than dirt-grains in a dingy cemetery, more than the stars in the sky in a clear night from the highest point, more than all the flowers, from this corner to that corner of this planet. She tells ––– I listen.


Why does she tell me every time…? Dare I ask you something? She always tells me to dare? Why? I ask this time… She is speechless… She is still ––– motionless ––– still. I know she won’t talk ­–– answer.


I am the fickle existence ––– like weather.

Say something. Change my life. Please.


I beg, I moan.


I want this cliché to become a surprising event.