iGraffito on paper - the boring classes

Wednesday, June 30, 2010 by B.H.
This is me :P when I was 15, I know it's bad, (my old version). It says 18 July 2009, but I don't remeber the location.

People bite their nails, some bite the skin around the nails, some of them yawn and some doze off, someone I know write songs and poems, in boring and killing lectures. But We do different. Faizan, my chum, my best friend forever, now in Pak Army lucky him! and unlucky me! Um, Actually I never tried :P So, he and I used to draw things, names and stuff in boring classes. I should tell here, my real name is Sarang Hussain but registered name is Bahadur Hussain.

Following are the things we used to do, in boring lectures.

"Life is unjust"

Monday, June 28, 2010 by B.H.
“Life is unjust”, “my life sucks badly” and “I’m curse”. That’s what I hear almost everywhere. I want to say that too, but when I think of what I think when I see such words, then I stop myself from saying that, 'cause it sounds hilariously pathetic, very very badly laughable! And maybe that's why I want to stick to this problem until it gets over tho' I'm pretty lazy about constructive things but still I must conquer the negativity; and I’m pretty sure that it is also one of those oft-heard pathetic sounding statement to you – the happy people (I am not comparing). But just imagine a life of a genius – misunderstood, a life full of flairs and hard lucks. And loneliness seems an outdated way of expressing one's boredom to you – the happy people (I am not comparing), ‘tis not, taste it if you ever can.

Today, I literally have zero friends if we count, zero percent sibling support, zero joy, boredom all the time. I never cried like this before. Ugh! I’m pathetic. Must suck! I thank God – Allah for this life and further, I do not have any complaints. I must get myself busy somewhere.

P.S. I am good at insulting! Beware!
And Ah? Fajr prayers call - Azzaan! wow!
I'm too sleepy too write anything positive with this.
P.P.S. I am writing all this with half eyes closed and full brain shut. Ma'azrat!

My Cell Phone’s draft box – The things that I think

Sunday, June 27, 2010 by B.H.
This is what my cell phone draft box has in it. Today, I am removing the-things-that-I-think.

25-June-10 2:59 pm
She is stupid, dumb yet respected
He is misunderstood genius thus dejected

25-June-10 2:07 pm
I love you, and that girl in pink.

23-june-10 9:01 pm
I felt like a girl, not functionally but habitually…

22-June-10 12:13 am
When I read her blog I hear the peaceful serenades
When I read my own diary I hear the electric guitars

21-June-10 11:34 pm
I like to lick the white muse in an Oreo.

21-June-10 5:38 pm
I wish I were a bird, or at least that smoke from the chimney…

21-June-10 5:15 am
I dreamt that I was fighting for wrong and comparably weak side. Morning dream! Sigh. I guess I’m born to be a loser.

20-June-10 4:10 pm
There’s nothing I feel in heart but the ache and beat, every thing is in head, even you my love.

13-June-10 10:55 pm
I look uncomforted, she looks suspicious, we are on date, we talk in whispers, I hold her hand, she smiles and whisper, just a whisper and some whispers. Yes, we are on a roller coaster

11-June-10 12:05 am
Bad day… good day!
Thou – a curse – I wish not thy sun to rise
And tonight when thou goest in sleep
I shall burn thee on a pyre
I do not adore the eclipse
I do not wish the toil
Bad day… good day!
I hope thou dost not rise again

10-June-10 11:48 pm
I just wanted to get hit by a bus, but I was unlucky enough to make it to home.

07-June-10 8:39 pm
Moon is pale, what’s its ail?
Why is it sad? What is the tale?
Had its lover drowned? ‘cause he could not sail?
Or did he do wrong and sent to jail?

07-June-10 10:02 am
In the days of dark knights
Why did you not come?
Why did you not save me?
Even when they…
Sliced me into two…

05-June-10 1:02 am
I caressed its wings; it frowned and bit me on my finger.

05-June-10 1:00 am
Doomsday: - As the examiner stepped towards me, I gripped the arms of my chair fiercely and mumbled all the mystical prayer I knew, and then I faced the music.

05-June-10 12:47 am
She… in the black and she in the white are both sisters, but that boy in the red and the other in yellow are not brothers…

05-June-10 12:46 am
I stood in the rain, soaked from head to toe, and then I thought in dismay, I should open the umbrella.

05-June-10 12:44 am
I thought I am mad for her but not made for her…

05-June-10 12:41 am
When I gained consciousness, the witch was still chanting the incantation.

03-June-10 05:01 pm
Three awesome things in a row
Way to go way to go
That rhymes a bit, no?

02-June-10 1:59 am
7 Impossible things: (pathetically secret draft)

01-June-10 02:21 pm
Every shoulder’s vanishing and I’m crying on walls. Sigh.

31-May-10 5:25 pm
I wrote what they taught
But never came in handy…
I should have learned it by heart,
Now it’s not like eating candy…

31-May-10 5:11 pm
(Wrote ‘poison’ in design)

30-May-10 12:57 pm
Rais Bano’s book in the market.
New Day – poetry book.

29-May-10 2:06 pm
(Wrote a long ode to Emily Dickinson, which I’ll share sometime)

28-May-10 08:08 am
I am expecting thee O little bird – thou my lucky charm
Thou hast not come –
My eyes hath wilted
Why hast thee not come?
Thou – O bird…

25-May-10 11:25 pm
I had no flair to wait,
Until I met you…
And left me
Boundaries of pain
Stars unseen –
Flowers unsmell’d
I had no talent to dwell
Until I met you…

25-May-10 6:12 pm
I love my life for it made me meet you: Trying to be happy,
I hate my life for it made me meet you: Wake up and smell the coffee

24-May-10 11:52 pm
Alone – Lonely – loner
In the togetherness of thee
In the mystique of inspirations
Images are mystical – but ability is ailed
O writer’s block! Shoo! Go away!

24-May-10 10:38 pm
All but death – can be adjusted (Emily Dickinson)

23-May-10 11:43 pm
Harsh loneliness
A cruel mask of despair
Let me put it off
* * *
I see no change
And I have grown up
Why don’t they?

18-May-10 7:57 pm
I don’t make poetry; it makes me – my immortality.

14-May-10 7:09 pm
Ancestry dot com (some website I saw on Geo TV but never opened)

08-May-10 4:54 pm
I love thee, thou lovest me
I turn in thee, thou in me…

That feeling...!

Saturday, June 26, 2010 by B.H.
Ever had the mini heart attack on realizing that you’ve lost something? And ever felt the perfect comfort on realizing that you are fully prepared for the upcoming circumstances?
Ever felt the satisfaction when you know you’ll do great in exam because you’ve prepared every thing about it? Ever thought how a bird feels when it escapes from the cage and fly in the skies after a very long time and then join the flocks? Ever felt the automatic smile-feeling when your mother smiles at you for something stupid you’ve done?

I feel the strangest feeling today; I want to jump with joy and dance and want to play my favorite songs the loudest. Yes! The after-final-exams-feeling, I hope that’s not farfetched but the feeling that was felt by people of my country when the beloved country came into being! The freedom! The list I made about a week ago before exams – the things-I’ll-do-after-exams list, I see it, it’s on yellow paper with the green ink and I’m going to do all the “fungenda” now. Drawing my favorite cartoons, decorating my sister’s room, read all the magazines that I saved for after-exam time, the summer movies, the sleep competition with my pals, the hang outs with chums, and Disney! I feel every good feeling. The feeling I felt when N.A. called me the regular contributor of their page. That feeling! I can tell now, how Saad Javed feels on seeing the wild geese flying with the moon on their wings and when he sees the kites dancing on the end of the strings and when he sees the curtains swaying in S shape, and shiny vegetables. I know how I feel on seeing a green ringed-parakeet frowning at every one but we still caress it and try to comfort it, the little cat you luckily and suddenly find in fog, a teenager girl dancing in the rain, and the stars shaping her name and the feeling when little kid try to talk with his not-so-perfect-but-wicked-cute voice, the silent day in neighborhood, soothing sound of trickling water, the summer’s cool night, the feet perfectly fitted in cool dirt, the sleep under the open and starry sky.

I feel everything! I feel like that white smoke flying away from the chimney celebrating its freedom. The feeling I feel when I read Emily Dickinson’s poems, I feel so cold that no fire can harm me. It’s my independence day, today was my last paper, and I did awesome! And come to mummy :P THE SUMMER VACATIONS!!!!

There's a possibility!

Saturday, June 19, 2010 by B.H.
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
It’s a blossom in a tree. It’s karma deciding my destiny
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
I have never loved thee! Jumping in the sea! Blood spilling out of me
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
It’s my country! But I lost the key! To the door of my immortality
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
Gleams with refreshing glee! Trying to be free! I you and she
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
Careful eternity! Unspeakable infinity! Driving me crazy!
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
It could be thee could have been me but we never knew that she
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
Ailing my ability! Why can’t you see? But you look happy…
There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility! There’s a possibility!
About every story! I have to agree! ‘Cause There’s a possibility!
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Exams, tension, preparations and aftermaths

by B.H.
Sigh. Major sigh rather! I don't want to sound like a pathetic emo boy AKA long-haired-loser from now on ‘cause now I have learnt that I should always look at the bright side of every happening. Recently, I did the majorest (superlative of major) blunder by forgetting my roll number card at home on the very first paper! (I didn’t know my roll no. It was very long, more like some phone number) and the first word that came out of my mouth when I checked my bag and every pocket was something that rhymes with “Luck” and the other was that rhymes with “Land lord”, “gain-ford” or “main-chord” Okay! You get the point! Right? So I puked during the exam  What?? I do it in nervousness, I can’t help! But good thing, I ran towards the bathroom without even asking otherwise, it would have been havoc… And the next paper was also bad one it was computer and it looked like an object code (Computer language in binary numbers) to me, it went horrible again! Instead of grumbling stuff like, why me? and I’m a curse etc I looked at the bright side, which was “I didn’t puke that day! Ahaa!” :D (My baba is very proud of me :P) No really I cannot recall even one day when things went my way, the day I can call perfectly awesome day, (Except for the Economics paper it rocked!) Okay so, my first paper went like this,

It was a fine sunny morning, butterflies were flying in my tummy and my exam was 2 hours away. I was excited and tensed at the same time. So, I read the horoscopes to distract myself, I swear Gemini said ”What a brilliant day you are going to have, success is yours today and money will come worries will go blah blah" my smile broadened and wrinkles lessened. I departed late for the college, 'cause I wanted to look at all the formulas again. I had been preparing for that paper since like forever ‘cause mathematics is my nightmare and digits and formulas can scare me to death, therefore, I had to do the best. And I don't know how but I forgot my roll no. card in the final math exam. I reached at college finally, excited! And then I checked my bag and all the pockets but my roll no. card was no where to be seen! OH MY GOD! (Censored curses and abusive language!!!) They didn't allow me to sit for one hour until my baba came along with the card! I was very nervous. I puked during the exam (in the bathroom) my hands were shivering on paper, my handwriting was being gay. And if I wanted to press 3 on calculator, I pressed 6 every time them backspaced then pressed 3! I forgot the simplest formulas i.e Harmonic mean and Correlation & Regression and I couldn't believe it! And it was 3 AC-ed small room, smaller than my bed room (no hall :-O) and I'm phobic to cold (You must have read my poem Winter phobia :P). I somehow managed to ask in a shivering voice if they could switch off the cold sprayers! More like death sprayers to me! But others opposed. I was HELPLESS, FRIENDLESS loser, I felt pathetic! And it was 10th of this month. I never pray to God in exams! Because I think it'd be gaudy and mean to only pray in exams like when I need Him (the most). This time I did! But what I got was this baddest (worst) day of my life. I cried my eyes out after exam in my locked room to the point I thought I was about to burst and wished to God to make me die, I wanted to hit by a bus. I never want to die actually but I just muttered that I don’t know why Time to write another painful, nihilistic, emo and gloomy poem, I did and ruined it. And then the day passed - consumed by twilight-consumed by night-consumed by dawn like every another day. And I witnessed the new sun that smiled at me and sprinkled the hot and loving beams upon me, I hoped for better.

I have now stopped saying the phrases like prayers needed, wish me luck and stuff. And I’m not going to read horoscope again in my whole life and I shall never let my kids and wife to read them.

My 5 papers are done and 3 are left! (Five cats rescued and three to go :P)

Very gloomy story, right? What if it was a mere one leaf from the diary! The Book of Vincent :P Scary na?

Some people have started calling me “Chalta phirta bad-luck” and “trouble” etc. But no heed no encouragement for them!

But I now don’t look at the dark side, Instead of the dark I look for the light, Instead of cry I look for laughter, Instead of solitude, I look for friends, Instead of death, I look at life.
I have learnt that,

Blunders just happen
Faith should not be shaken
Never feel broken
Enough is taken
If the wrong road is taken
Don’t lose the token
‘Cause the road not taken
Think, was godforsaken

Miley Cyrus in her movie Hannah Montana said, “Life is a climb, but the view is great.” Whoever wrote this I shall love her/him forever (ahm ahm) If she is a girl or woman then I’ll love her more, romantically as well as aaiwain (Don’t judge!).

And “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus. That’s my song from now on, the anthem of encouragement and consolation you can say! (And I shall love Miley Cyrus for this song forever)

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

P.S I posted the same story as a comment on some related post I saw somewhere last night just to share the experience!

My three score and ten (Scathingly)

Thursday, June 17, 2010 by B.H.
(Of boredom and gloom)

Horizon is about to swallow the sun. It is spilling the beautiful orange shades upon the clouds alongside the sun. And moon with its glow – is to take control in the sky and the falling water is shimmering and reflecting the pale and full moon and the flashing stars on the pearly shawl of the earth. This day has faded and night has grown after twilight like every day. And with this night - this feeling is growing inside me, it happens often, maybe depression. It is slowly starting to bite, a kind of restlessness, I don’t know what? Some flashbacks, some voices, are haunting my mind, wait a minute! What are those eyes doing here? I know them, those eyes full of love, even bluer than the skies above of one fine evening. Looking at me at dagger point, what eyes? pointed like sword in a seductive way. But I thought no more is that those eyes’ gaze was seductive for me. Things – apparently, have changed! I thought I’d moved on, but it seems that I was and still not completely over, still stuck somewhere in her memories, I have got to take control of my life. Where are my giggles? The glimpses of my hurting past are still within my every vision.

So I sliced myself into two, to escape from all the painful frigid gloom, and gave a piece to this cruel and ruthful moments and other to my happiness - ‘so called’ and imaginary. I have never been happy with life and if I have been, it was for sometime. They say rise and fall is the part of life but I say if the fall is often and more than the rise then it becomes a crutchy life, a life in fog and in uncertainty all the time. You often happen to think you are alone even amid the bustles. If you make blunders you care less about them because nobody taught you how to care, nobody cared about you before. The bright side takes a lot of happiness but the happiness looks a mere grain of sand when compared to the ample deserted beach of the gloomy side. I never wanted to die and still I don’t want to but I am not keen of living either. Life is not ample but the events are. I just want to feel the real love by them, the real happiness, the real sun’s happy beams and I want to live in the real smiles, in the real beauties of life and nature and with the feeling of there-is-no-burden and I’m-free-from-cares. So, I shall apply law of equi-marginal utility but it has drawbacks like every hope I have ever hoped. Utility cannot be measured but life can be. Similarly, nature – my love cannot be measured but my life can be.

I just want to say, life is not enough, so gain most using least. Life is once and very beautiful, live every part of it, the gloom the light. Every style of it, the poor, the rich. Every taste of it, the conservative, the moderate. You have no time; just complete all your answers before the examiner comes and asks to return the answer sheet. As Emily Dickinson would put in:
I had no time to hate-
The grave would hinder me-
And life was not so ample
So I could finish - enmity-

Nor had I time to love –
But since
Some industry must be –
The little Toil of love –
I thought
Be large enough for me-

Doors – locked

by B.H.
I walked wounded on ways all the night
I must have seen someone in pain
You possessed my soul in magical mirror
I went in jungle to find my dark heart
I must have lost this darkness in night
While you hide your love in open doors
I bolt it silently to spread the partial gloom
I must have known that it was a foggy noon
I must have spent it – as last – with my spouse
But I happen to reside behind the locked doors

~ B.H

Moon is pale

Monday, June 7, 2010 by B.H.
It was like 2 weeks ago, when I saw that moon was full and pale... I wrote rhymes on yellow note paper (yellow sticky note papers/reminders) ofcourse about the moon. I usually write on yellow sticky note paper, I call it my second love/spouse. First is fog, right! There is something poetic in it... Although, The rhymes I write on yellow notepaper are comparably rougher and simpler than those I write on white papers or on computer. But I like these rough and simple rhymes more.. Here is what I wrote in pale moonlit night.

Moon is pale, what's its ail?
Why is it sad? What is the tale?
Has its lover drowned?
beacause he could not sail
Or did he do wrong?
And sent to jail?
P.s prayers needed, for I am taking exams and I'm like trampled by the pile of expectations of parents and friends .
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Robbie Williams - Feel

Thursday, June 3, 2010 by B.H.

Ha! I heard this song on radio a while ago, and I totally fell in love with this song!

It is truely beautiful!

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When creativity flows…

by B.H.

Once, a blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign saying: ‘I am blind, please help.’ There were only a few coins in the hat.
A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words.
Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, “Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?”
The man said, “I wrote what you wrote but in a different way.”
What he had written was “Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.”
Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing?
Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should I be surprised that the second sign was more effective?
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